My Stupid Conscience

If only I could just go up to him and tell him how I feel. But no, my stupid conscience always gets in the way. Like in the back of mind I can always hear 'what if he thinks this about me if I just go up to him and tell him. But everyday I will get this little burst of energy and I tell myself I can do this!! But then at the last minute I back out. Stupid conscience... If only my conscience would quit whispering negative things in my ear about what he is thinking. I don't know what he is thinking about me, I am not a mind reader, and it doesn't hurt to try. I mean everybody gets rejected right? Well today I decided I am just going to ignore my conscience and go for it. I am not going to think one negative thing about what he is thinking about me. Well sometimes things don't go as planned...
Everyday I will see him in the hall and I will think okay this is your day go talk to him. and as soon as I get close enough to him that little voice in the back of my head tells me 'turn around, you can't do this'. Well today I decided like the smart person I am to go up to him and tell him what I thought about him. Right after third period I am going to tell him, so if he rejects me I can run somewhere since I have lunch. So that's when I was going to do it right after 3rd period.
When me and my friends saw him walking they told me to go up to him and just tell him. So I listened to them and did just what they told me to, no conscience holding me back, I put it on hold for the day. I saw him walking with his friends to lunch. When I was walking up to him I yelled out his name "Bob!" he turned around and smiled at me "Hey Mary Joe, how are you?" I smiled and told him I am doing okay. We talked for a little bit when I just blurted out "I like you alot Bob and I was hoping that maybe you like me to?" It was then that I decided that it was not a good thing that I said that. He had this look on his face. I couldn't tell if it was sorrow or something else. When he spoke was when the bomb dropped "I like you alot too Mary Joe." I smiled at him. Until he opened his mouth again "But I have a girlfriend." My smile fell. He walked away from his locker when all I could do was stare at him and look like a fish out of water. So today I got rejected, I failed my history test and now I have to go home and explain why I falied the history test to my parents. Today is just NOT my day.